Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
by alwaysmarauders
Summary: Fred and George find a book about what they are supposedly not allowed to do at Hogwarts, so what do they do? Use it as a checklist of course.
1. Annoying the Hufflepuffs and Debbie

AN: Hey so I plan on posting ten rules each post.

I've seen A couple of theese fics but I decided to do my own, but i'm making this one have a bit more of a story line.

Disclaimer: I do not own HP, or the list.

Fred and George looked at the book they found in Filches office, the title was things I'm NOT allowed to do at Hogwarts. Both of them grinned, this was going to be a fun year, they had decided to use the book as a checklist and attempt to complete every single 'task' in it. They read the first rule and began to plot ideas.

**#1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicated that they are covered with bees.**

Fred looked at George, "You ready," he asked. George nodded.

They ran over to a group of Hufflepuffs and began to poke them with spoons, Susan Bones looked up surprised.

"What the hell are you doing?" She asked angrily.

"It's not us." Fred said.

"You're simply covered in bees." George said.

**#2. I will stop referring Hufflepuffs as canon fodder **

"What, no I'm not." Susan said

"Whatever you say, cannon fodder." George laughed.

"What did you just call me?" Susan glared.

**#3. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot and Justin Finch-Flechley as blossom, buttercup and bubbles.**

"Nothing blossom, why don't you go talk to buttercup and bubbles over there." Fred said, Pointing at Hannah and Justin.

Susan shook her head and started to walk away.

**#4. I will stop asking when we will be making love potion number nine.**

The next day in potions the twins sat next to each other and as soon as Snape walked in Fred raised his hand.

"Yes weasley." Snape said.

"When will we be making love potion number nine?" Fred asked.

Snape looked confused "Never" he said, and kept walking towards his desk.

**#5. I am not allowed to eat chocolate frogs in potions class.**

George reached into his bag and pulled out a chocolate frog, he opened it and began to eat.

"There will be no eating in my class." Snape said glaring at George.

"Why not?" George asked.

"Because I said so, now throw it away." Snape snapped.

**#6. –even if I brought enough for everyone.**

"But I brought enough for the whole class." George said.

"I really don't care." Snape drawled.

**#7. Emptying a bag full of them on professor Snape's desk to prove this last is unacceptable behavior.**

"No seriously I did." George said running up to Snape's desk. He emptied his back onto the desk and out poured about thirty chocolate frogs. "Told you so."

"Fifty points from Gryffindor and you will receive two weeks of detention." Snape said angrily.

**#8 professor Snape does not enjoy being called 'snookums'**

"Aw come on snookums." George said. "Don't be so mean."

"That will be another week's detention." Snape growled.

**#9 neither does he respond favorably to 'sev', 'snapey-poo' or 'Debbie' **

"Oh sorry Sev, I didn't know you didn't like being called snookums." George said.

Snape glared at him.

"Jeez snapey-poo what's your problem." George asked.

Snape glared even harder.

"Wow lighten up Debbie." Fred yelled.

"Fred and George weasley you will both be serving one month detention."

**#10 It is a bad idea to tell professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.**

"You take yourself way too seriously." Fred and George said at the same time.

"Make that two months." Snape snapped.

AN: please tell me how i did.


	2. Spike the vampire with a soul

**An- this is an edit since I realized I accedentily posted the first chapter attached to the second**

Fred and George walked into the common room after potions, Fred turned to George "Wow, two months detention in one class, I think that's our new record." He said.

"Yeah." George agreed "So which rule shall we do next."

Just then Ron entered the common room.

**#11. I will stop referring to showering as "giving moaning myrtle an eyeful."**

"What are you two up to?" Ron asked.

"Nothing." The twins replied together.

"Oh sure I definitely believe that, anyways I'm off to take a shower see you lot later." Ron said.

The twins smirked and shared a look, this was just too easy.

Fred turned to Ron, "Ah I see, going to give moaning myrtle an eyeful eh."

Ron's eyebrows knitted together confused. "What?" he asked.

"You heard me, giving myrtle an eyeful." Fred said as he and George walked away up into their dorm room.

**# 12 I will not use invisibility charms on anyone's clothing.**

There wasn't anyone else in the dorm room and when George saw cloths lying on one of the four poster beds he knew exactly what to do. Him and Fred started casting invisibility charms on all of one particularly annoying guy that they shared a dorm with. As soon as the charm was cast on all the cloths they rushed out of the dorm room and sat down on a couch in the common room.

Half an hour later said annoying guy entered the common room and went up to the dorms.

Fred smirked "Wait for it, and five, four, three, two..."

He was interrupted by someone yelling "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ALL MY CLOTHS"

**#13 I am not a vampire slayer and professor lupin is not my watcher. **

The next morning fred ran into the great hall carrying a crossbow and a stake. Professor McGonagall came up to him very confused. "Mr weasley what on earth are you doing." She asked.

"Sush, I'm training to be the new slayer." Fred said.

"What on earth are you talking about."

"Ugh, just ask professor Lupin, he is my watcher after all."

"Weasley, what is wrong with you, have you lost your mind."

**#14 I should not ask professor McGonagall if while in cat form she has ever coughed up a hairball.**

"No not that I know of." Fred replied.

McGonagall just shook her head.

"Hey professor, when you're in cat form have you ever coughed up a hairball." Fred asked.

"What kind of a question is that." McGonagall said

"So... is that a yes."

"NO."

"Whatever you say professor, well I'm off to look for vampires." Fred said as he walked towards the Slytherin table.

"You will be receiving detention tonight Mr. Weasly, for asking of inappropriate questions." Professor McGonagall called after him.

**#15 Draco Malfoy is not a vampire.**

Fred walked up to Draco who was sitting at the table, he held his crossbow up to him and said "don't move I've got you now vampire."

Draco looked up at Fred, this was weird even for one of the weasley twins. "What are you on about now weasley." He sneered.

"You're a vampire, and I've come to kill you, I'm sure you've heard of me I'm the new slayer." Fred said.

Draco raised an eyebrow.

**#16 especially not a vampire named Spike.**

Just then George came rushing in, when he reached Fred and Draco he said. "No don't kill him he's good remember, he helped save the world loads of times, it's Spike , He worked with the Famous Buffy."

Draco became more and more confused by the second "What, who'sSpike, I've never heard of him." He sneered.

"You are of course." George said.

"This is boring can I kill him now." Fred asked.

"No, he has a soul now remember, he got one after Buffy dumped him, and it wasn't even forced upon him like Angel, he worked for it and went through pain all because he was in love with Buffy."

"Oh yeah him, okay I won't kill him, see you later Spike." Fred said before him and George started to walk away.

Draco was left still very confused he shook his head and muttered "Freaks."

**#17 I am not to tell muggle born first years that bertie botts every flavour beans taste better when one eats a whole hand full simultaneously.**

While leaving the hall they passed a couple of first years eating bertie botts, they recognized them from the sorting they were muggle borns. Fred smirked they could cross another thing off their list.

Instead of actually talking to the first years Fred said loudly to George "Brother, have you heard that bertie botts every flavour beans taste better by the handful."

"Yes brother I have heard that." George said just as loudly.

The twins exited the great hall and stood behind a pillar from which they were still able to see the first years.

The two first years grinned at each other and both ate a handful each. Within seconds they were running out of the great hall with their hands over their mouths and heading towards the bathrooms.

Fred and George started laughing hysterically.

**#18 I will not walk up to Ron and Hermione and say they're the perfect couple.**

Fred and George walked up to Ron, Hermione, Harry and Ginny. They stood behind Ron and Hermione and cooed "Aw how cute, why aren't you two just the perfect couple."

Hermione blushed.

"W-what, no we aren't, we aren't even together." Ron stuttered.

**#19 nor will I tell that to Harry and Ginny.**

"Ok, I guess you're right, Harry and Ginny are way more of a perfect couple then you two are." Fred said.

"What, Harry when did you two start... going out, you stay away from my sister." Ron demanded.

"No Ron he's lying really." Harry said.

Fred and George laughed and walked away as they tried to sort out the mess.

Just as they turned around the corner they saw pansy and Malfoy.

**#20 Nor Malfoy and Pansy.**

George smirked and said "How sweet, look Fred I think we've finally found perfect couple, aren't they just so adorable together."

Malfoy looked as if he were about to vomit, Pansy however looked as it were Christmas.

Malfoy glared at George and said "You're gonna pay for that." And with that Malfoy was gone running of through the hall with Pansy close behind him yelling "Wait, Blondie bear, why are you running."


	3. Puppet Pals and Lucky Charms

**An: Hello all I'm back with yet another chapter, I am very sorry for the delay**

**By the way guys if you want me to do a certain rule just ask **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter."**

**#21- I will not insist the house elves are serving the slytherins fried snake.**

Fred and George walked into the great hall, when they reached the Gryffindor table George leant down and whispered in Hermione's ear before sitting down. " Did you know the house elves serve the Slytherins Fried snake."

"That's disgusting, and a lie" Hermione said with a frown on her face.

"Think whatever you want to think." George smirked, Hermione's expression changed to one that the twins could tell meant she was thinking if he was telling the truth or not.

**#22- If a classmate falls asleep I will not take advantage of that fact, and draw the dark mark on their arm.**

Fred glanced over at his brother who was sitting beside him, Ron was fast asleep, a thought ran through Fred's mind and he smirked. He pulled out a quill from his bag and started to draw the dark mark on his younger brother's arm.

Ron didn't feel a thing, nothing could wake him when he was asleep, and added to that he had been up half of the night before, thus why he had fallen asleep at breakfast.

When Fred was finished he put away his quill and continued eating his lunch, when his brother woke up he would be getting an earful.

**#23- Seamus Finnigan Is not 'after me lucky charms.'**

When the twins saw Seamus heading towards the table they both smirked at an idea, both of them conjured up a box of their favourite muggle cereal Lucky charms, and waited. When Seamus arrived he sat down between George and Hermione.

George screamed and held his cereal tight to his chest.

"What are yeh going on 'bout now." Seamus said his eyebrows furrowed.

"You can't have them they're mine." George said in a child like voice, Fred nodded in agreement.

"What?" Seamus asked confused.

"I'm not gonna let you have them, you're after me lucky charms." George said.

Seamus realized what George was holding and glared at him shaking his head "Oh not more o' these Irish stereotypes, I've had enough of them ." Seamus got up and went to sit at another part of the table.

The twins smirked at each other, while Hermione raised her eyebrows at them.

**#24- I will not refer to the weasley twins as bookends.**

"Why I think that worked rather well don't you bookend." Fred said.

"Yes Bookend I Completely agree." George grinned.

Hermione still looked at them weirdly

**#25- I will not refer to the Patil twins as bookends,**

Just then the Patil twins walked by the table. "Why hello bookends" Fred and George said together.

The Patil's just looked at them weirdly and continued walking

**#26- I will not re-enact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the great hall.**

They twins biggest prank of the day was coming soon, they could feel it, this was something they had stayed up all night planning for. Then the target of their prank entered the hall, Snape. They ran up to him and started flailing their arms hitting him, while doing this they were yelling "Bother, bother, bother, bother, bother, bother."

That was it Snape had had enough, he started yelling furiously at them. "Weasley's, two months detention." Snape escaped to the staff table.

Everyone gave the twins weird looks.

**#27- Nor anywhere else for that matter,**

They left the great hall and ran out into the courtyard loudly at the top of their lungs they started singing Fred started first "Snape, Snape, Severus Snape." He kept repeating it.

"Dumbledore... Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley, Dumbledore." George sang.

Lee walked up to them and asked what they were doing. "Were creating a song" Fred replied.

"Can I help" Lee said. The twins nodded just before Dean and Seamus joined, Seamus seemed to have recovered from the lucky charms incident.

"Were doing a list of things ones supposedly not allowed to do at Hogwarts, do you guys want to help with that too." George asked.

"Sure" The three of them said.

"Ok where's somewhere else we can perform our song" Fred asked.

"In the middle of transfiguration class." Lee said.

"Perfect" The twins said in unison.

Five minutes later they were all in transfiguration, which just happened to be all of their first class of the day, but all of them had different garments of costumes on. Fred who was wearing a wig that looked as if it had never been washed started tapping on his desk. "What is that mysterious ticking noise." He asked in a drawling voice.

"Mr Weasley stop that at once." McGonagall said, she knew who he was imitating.

"It's kind of catchy." Everyone who figured out who he was pretending to be was peeled over in laughter, even McGonagall. "Snape, Snape, Severus Snape. Snape, Snape, Severus Snape" Fred sang standing up.

George who was wearing a fake beard stood up and yelled "Dumbledore."

"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape."

"Dumbledore"

"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape"

"Dumbledore."

Lee stood up and started singing too "Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley" He was wearing and orange wig.

The class was laughing insanely.

"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape"

"Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley."

"Dumbledore."

"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape"

Seamus who was wearing a long brown wig stood up, he glanced over at the golden trio who were fuming, especially Hermione, she could tell she was next "Hermione, Hermione"

"Ron, Ron, Ron weasley."

"Dumbledore."

"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape"

"Hermione, Hermione, Hermione"

"Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley."

"Dumbledore"

Dean then stood up wearing fake round glasses "Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter that's me"

"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape"

"Hermione, Hermione"

"Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley"

"Dumbledore"

"Snape"

"Harry"

"Snape"

"Harry"

"Snape"

'Harry"

"Snape"

"Harry"

"Snape"

"Harry"

"Snape"

"Harry"

"Dumbledore"

"Hermione"

"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape"

"Harry Potter I'm Harry Potter"

"Hermione, Hermione"

"Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley"

"Dumbledore"

"Singing our song, all day long at Hogwarts" They all sang.

"I found the source of the ticking, it's a pipe boom" Lee said.

"Yay" all the other's yelled.

"BOOM" They all yelled and collapsed.

Harry then stood up wanting to join in on this "Wha ha hmm, Voldemort, Voldemort ooh Voldy, Voldy Voldemort."

The entire class clapped but McGonagall had turned furious "Detention all of you tonight, except for you mister Potter, since you weren't one of the people who planned it you will just loose five points from Gryffindor."

((An: Sorry I had to put Harry in there but I didn't want him to be a part of the whole thing really so I just did that, but he needed to be there cause he's the only one who will say you know who's name))

**#28- I will not bring a magic eight ball to divination**

The group planned to meet later to discuss their next item on the list but first the twins had divination they walked over to professor Trelawney with a magic eight ball and said "Look, we can predict the future, watch" Fred shook the ball and said "Will Gryffindor win tomorrow" the answer that came up was 'Yes' "See" the twins said "now you just watch, tomorrow we'll win"

Was Professor Trelawney ever so surprised when they did in fact win.

**#29- I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my arm and tell everyone it's the new dark mark.**

After a meeting with all the new people they had recruited (Ok not all just the three) the five of them walked into the great hall with smiley faces on their arms, everyone that they passed they would tell them loudly that it was the new dark mark and that Fred was the new dark lord.

Because of this they ended up with another night in detention.

**#30- If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books she would have said so.**

Fred sat next to his sister and said "Ginny you still want to borrow my Darkover books don't you"

"What?" Ginny asked confused.

"The book you want them right" Fred said.

"Umm no"

"Well, you can have them anyways." Fred said pushing a stack of books at his sister.

"I don't want them" Ginny said pushing them back.

"But you must have them, you need them..." Fred started.

Before Fred could finish Ginny was out of her seat and out of the great hall.

**AN: Could someone tell me what the darkover books are, are they like a series or something, if it's anything else please tell me so I can change what I wrote (If I have to I'll change it to Dean)**

**Please review. Tell me what you think of Lee, Seamus and Dean joining the fun, warning their might be some romance coming up with Hermione and someone, who it is, is undecided so far but I know one thing it won't be Ron**


	4. New Lords and Silenceing Charms

**AN: Hello everyone, thank you for all the reviews, and sorry for the late posting .**

**I got a review saying that I should make a spinoff of this, and I will, after I finish this one of course. So after this there will be a Things I am not allowed to do at Grimauld place, but that time Fred and George will create the list for themselves, since there is no actual list for that I will have to start coming up with some, so if you have any ideas tell me in a review.**

**I also got another anonymous review saying that I should do a rule that say I will not Seduce Hermione, and I most definitely will be using that one in this chapter XD.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own HP.**

**ON WITH THE CHAPTER**

**#31 I am not allowed to wear my death eater robes to dinner and shout "long live lord Voldemort" because I think it's funny.**

George, Dean, Lee, and Seamus all walked into the great hall wearing long black robes and death eater's masks. As soon as they walked in everything went silent, a few forks were heard clattering down onto plates.

The four of them all held up their wands and yelled "LONG LIVE LORD VOLDEMORT"

The rest of the hall continued to stare at them in shock, even Professor McGonagall let out a gasp.

Then storming in from behind them came a new figure.

**#32 I am not to refer to myself as the new dark lord.**

He had a long black wig but everyone could still tell it was one of the weasley twins.

"Who cares about Voldemort, Everyone bow down before me, I am your new dark lord." He sneered and then let out a long evil laugh.

Hermione was the first to get out of the shock, as she had realized that it was all just another prank. She stormed over to them very angry "What in merlins name are you doing; now, I have absolutely no idea on who the rest of you are but I have my suspicions. For instance I know one of you is either Fred or George, seeing as the other is wearing that ridicules wig." She was interrupted abruptly.

"Oi!, I worked a long time making this wig." Fred said from behind the group.

Hermione rolled her eyes and was about to continue when Professor McGonagall showed up "Thank you Miss Granger but I will take it from here." She said, and Hermione left and once again took her seat beside Ginny.

McGonagall then turned to the group of 'death eaters' "Take off your masks, all of you." One by one they took off they're masks. Their identities were no surprise to McGonagall, "I have never been more disgusted with any students, and that is saying something, You will all receive detention with professor Snape this evening and twenty points will be deducted from Gryffindor, each." With that she turned on her heal and stormed out of the hall.

**#33 I will not threaten the Fat Lady with dip.**

The five of them walked the long way to Gryffindor tower when they got there Fred stepped foreword "I request entrance" He told the fat lady.

"Password?" she asked him.

"I do not have it" Fred said simply.

"Then you may not enter."

Fred fake glared at her "If you don't let me in I'll steal all of your dip."

The fat lady rose an eyebrow at him.

**#34 Novelty or holiday themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.**

The next day George walked into his charms wearing a tie covered in pictures f Santa Clause. Professor Flitwick looked at the tie confused before saying "Mr. Weasley that is not part of the school uniform."

Acting as if it was the most horrible thing in the world, George reached into his bag and pulled out a normal tie. After putting it on he said "Happy now" with a frown on his face.

**#35 Not allowed to use silencing charms on my Prefects.**

Later that night when Fred went back into his dorm he found the same annoying guy whose cloths he and George had made disappear.

"I know it was you and George who made my cloths invisible." He sneered.

"You have no proof." Fred said simply.

"I am a prefect you know I can report you."

Before the Pratt could go on any longer about the importance of being a prefect Fred quickly cast a silencing charm on him.

"Ah, peace and quit." Fred grinned.

**#36 not allowed to use silencing charms on my professors.**

George was in the common room when Professor McGonagall approached him "Mr. Weasley I have been approached by many different members of the faculty about you and your brother, this pranking has to stop..." She was interrupted by George casting a silencing charm on her.

Without another look back George ran up into the boy's dorm, he knew he would be in major trouble for that.

**#37 Not allowed to use silencing charms at all.**

Fred and George ran into the great hall each going to one side of the hall. They both started casting silencing charms on as many people as they could.

Many people tried to cast spells back, but without their voices it was impossible.

Before any teacher could stop them they ran back out of the great hall, leaving everyone in shock.

**#38 Draco Malfoy is not Billy Idol **

On their way out they ran into Malfoy, "Oh my Merlin Fred, look who it is, it's Billy Idol." George said, pretending to be in awe.

"What are you two on about now." Draco sneered "I don't have time for your stupidity."

"Mr. Idol will you sign this CD I happen to have in my robes pocket." Fred said taking a CD case out of his pocket.

"Get out of my way weasels." Draco said pushing past them.

Once he had left Fred aid to George "Wow, he didn't even want to know who Billy Idol is, the shame."

**#39 I will not steal Draco's blanky**

"Ok so you know what to do right." Fred asked the Slytherin first year.

"Yes, and as long as you pay me five Galleons I'll do it." The kid smirked.

"Okay, deal." Fred said as he shook the small child's hand.

The boy ran off towards the dungeons, ten minutes later he returned clutching a pink blanket.

"Here it is, just like you asked, Draco's blanky." The kid said as Fred payed him his money.

"It's perfect." Fred said with an evil laugh.

Let's just say the next day Draco was very embarrassed.

**#40 I will not seduce Hermione**

Prank force Five, as they had named themselves, were gathered in the Gryffindor common room staring in shock at the list.

"Do we really have to do it" Dean asked.

"If we want to complete the list then, yes." Fred grimaced.

"Ok, well who's going to do it?" Lee asked nervously.

"Not it." They all called immediately, all except Seamus who was dazed out reading further along the list. Everyone else stared at him with slight smirks on their faces.

"What?" Seamus asked confused.

"You're going to seduce one Hermione Granger." Fred grinned at him.

Seamus's eyes grew wide, he glanced over at Hermione who was reading a book in the corner of the common room, "Do I have to?" he asked.

"Yes," George said giving him a shove in her direction.

Seamus walked over to Hermione and sat down beside her "What are yeh reading."

"If you are planning another one of your pranks, don't involve me in it." She said not looking up from her book.

"Don't worry, it's uh, not a prank, will yeh look up from your book for a second. Yeh know it's rude not to make eye contact in a conversation." Seamus said, pleased when she finally looked up at him.

He reached forward and brushed her hair behind her ear, before saying "I was wondering if yeh would go to hogsmeade with meh this weekend."

Hermione blushed as she was not expecting him to ask her that "umm sure" she said after a few seconds.

Seamus smiled and said "Great, can't wait, she yeh tomorrow" before getting up and rejoining his friends that were shocked that he had succeeded.

**AN: I Promise that there won't be too much of stuff between them. I know a lot of people don't like them together.**

**Please leave me a review **


	5. The Toad and a Magic 8 Ball

AN: Well, it's definitely been awhile. This was one of the first fanfics I wrote, and looking back, my writing is horrible, but instead of going and fixing everything, I though I would just start posting some newer and better written chapters. I hope you all enjoy, and if there are any new readers out there, I hope you can forgive the many errors in the previous chapters.

**#41 I will not create wanted posters of Umbridge that say , "Wanted: For the Crime of Impersonating a Human Being," and stick them over the Educational Decrees.**

Fred and George were at it again, this time their target was everyone's least favorite professor; Umbridge.

"Alright…. And the last one is up." Fred said, as he finished charming the last wanted poster above one of the Educational degrees.

The boys were about to turn and leave when they heard the high sound of professor Flitwick clearing his throat behind them.

Fred laughed awkwardly, "We can explain…"

"Well, not really, but you have to admit it's pretty funny." George finished.

Flitwick gave them an amused look. "I really should punish the two of you for this… But I'll let this one slide."

**# 42 I will not create said wanted posters and make them follow Umbridge everywhere while Croaking, not even if Flitwick does offer me points for 'good charm work'**

"That's not all, we also…" Fred was cut off by the loud clicking of heels. The three hid behind a banister as a fuming Umbridge passed by, followed by a few of the twins' newly made posters. They had been charmed to follow her for the entire day.

George glanced at Flitwick, assuming this would earn them some form of punishment, but all that came out of the small man's mouth was "Excellent wand work boys. 10 points to Gryffindor."

**#43 I will not place an animated banner drawing of Umbridge morphing from herself into a toad and back again in the Great Hall over the teacher's table, not even if Professor Flitwick offers to help me.**

"Actually professor, we have one more thing planned out for tomorrow." Said Fred.

"Oh really?" A slight twinkle shone in the mans eye.

The next day the prank was all ready in the great hall, and Umbridge was struggling to get the banner off the wall.

The only thing missing was Fred, George, and the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

**# 44 I must not host quidditch games in the great hall so that i may knock out professor umbridge with a bludger**

Suddenly the large wooden doors swing open and the team swooped in on their brooms, a game between them already in action. The chasers weaved through the tables, almost knocking a Slytherin off his seat. Harry circled above searching for the Snitch.

Sending a wink to his brother, Fred smacked the bludger straight in the direction of Umbridge. She only just managed to get out of the way and ended falling face first into a plate of pudding on the staff table.

**# 45 Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money making concept.**

As they flew back down to the ground, George called to a group of Gryffindors. "Care to bet on how long she'll last? The position is cursed after all."

Seamus, who was a part of that group, grinned wildly. "I'll gladly take yeh up on that bet. How much?"

"Fifteen sickles says she's finished in less that two months." Replied George.

"Yer on! I say she'll be done for in one"

**# 46 I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.**

After the big lunch fiasco was over with, the twins were on their way up to Divination. In Fred's hand was the black muggle toy he had acquired.

When they arrived in class he held it up to Trelawney. "This is all the fortune telling I'll ever need." Of course, she was curious to what it was, and after a bit of explaining, she was having a go at it.

"Will my interview with Professor Umbridge go alright?" She asked in a whisper before shaking the object. Her eyes grew wide as she saw the answer 'Not likely'. "Boys… Do you.. Do you mind if I keep this?"

"Not at all professor." They said in unision.

**# 47 I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.**

Once they had gotten to work with the tarot cards that day, Fred gave an exaggerated gasp.

"What is it? What do you see?" Trelawney asked urgently.

"Professor…. You're going to die." He dramatized.

**# 48 I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.**

"No it's not true!" Exclaimed George. "I see something else. I see you. You are fighting the Dark lord…. You win!"

Because of this, class ended early that day.

**#49 I will not bring up and say its an informational website about a**  
><strong>unique breed of diversifide creatures, or insist we use the website to learn to care<strong>  
><strong>for them properly<strong>

"Don't you get it Hermione! These creatures have to be cared for in the most careful of ways! Only will teach you those careful ways." George said to Hermione later that night in the common room.

"Please, can you two be any more stupid? You seem to be forgetting that I'm muggle born. I know what that site is. I had friends that used it… Of course I never saw the appeal."

"Right…" Fred sighed, before getting an idea. "Wait! Do you think you could show it to us sometime?"

Hermione merely rolled her eyes.

**#50 Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.**

"Hey… Before we go…" Fred started. "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" With that, they ran off up the stairs to the boys dormitory.

"It wasn't funny the first time and it is not funny now!" Hermione shouted after them.


	6. Riff Raff the Squib

**#51 I will not tye-dye all of the owls.**

The boys sat in the great hall the morning before a big game. Their eyes were fixed on the windows the owls were due to fly through.

"Alright, shall we head off and get ready?" Harry asked as he finished off his piece of toast.

"No! We have to wait for the owl post." Fred said with more urgency than he had intended.

Hermione raised a brow at him, "What's so special about todays owl post?"

The twins looked to each other and grinned before looking at her and saying "You'll see." in unison.

Finally the moment came and instead of the regular browns, whites and blacks you usually saw filling the air, the hall was filled with bright colors. Each of the owl seemed to be painted in multiple colors.

Hedwig swooped down in front of Harry, he was a bright mess.

"Oh god, what have they done to you." Harry said to the bird, shaking his head.

**#52. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.**

Once the boys had headed down to get ready for the game, they ran off from the rest of the team to prepare their next 'surprise'. When they returned with two very scared looked houselves in their hands, Madam Hooch demanded an explanation.

"Well, you see.." Fred started.

"We've decided that bludgers are getting a bit boring. So we brought these replacements instead." George finished with a grin.

"Put them down. Now!" Was the angry response they got.

**#53. A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.**

"I guess you won't be letting us use these "vacuum cleaner" things as equipment, now will you?" George said, pointing to where two of them sat.

"No, of course not! Are the two of you out of your mind?" Madam Hooch said, shaking her head in frustration.

"Pity, we'd charmed them to fly and everything."

**#54. I will not draw an H on Percy Weasley's forehead.**

Later that night Fred and George snuck into their brothers prefect dorm and found him snoring softly. This was going to be too easy.

They worked quietly, only leaving the slightest pressure on his head as they drew a large 'H' upon it.

**#55. I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves.**

"Okay," Fred whispered through the darkness. "Next up is the badge." They checked all his draws and finally found the shiny prefects badge tucked away in with his ties.

They moved swiftly and quietly out of the common room and through the castle, finally coming to one of Peeves' favorite empty classrooms. He was no where to be seen, but the boys knew he must be lurking somewhere.

"Peeves! Show yourself." Fred called, and sure enough he came floating through the left wall.

"If it isn't my two favorite students." He cackled. "Got anything worthwhile for me today?"

"Actually yeah. We uh- We 'borrowed' this from my brother." George said as he tossed peeves the badge.

His transparent eyes lit up and he grinned widely. "You boys always do come through don't you." With that as he thanks he started to leave, but Fred stopped him.

"Not so fast. We want something from you."

"What could little old me possibly give to you." Peeves' mocked.

"We know you can pick things up and all that, so we want you to sign this paper for us saying that we can be out past curfew as long as we want. Don't bother asking why. It will help us with the next thing we have to do."

With no questions, Peeves signed the paper and left.

**#56. Peeves may not countermand any of my professors' or prefects' orders.**

The boys left the classroom and began the trek back to the Gryffindor common room, but they were stopped by a voice.

"Well, well, well. Out and about I see." Filch said, stepping out from the shadows. He donned that creepy look he had whenever he knew he was get to hand out a detention.

"Actually, we have a note." Fred said. "Here take a look."

He held the paper out in front of him and Flich snatched it away, squinting his beady little eyes to read it. "This is signed by Peeves." He fumed. "You know quite well that he has no right or authority to do this." Once again he grinned, this meant he could get them in trouble.

**#57. Filch does not have a sister named Magenta.**

"Right, right. Well, it was worth a shot. Hey Filch, how come we never see your sister around." Asked George.

"I don't have one." Filch sneered back, slightly confused at why the boy would ask that.

"You know, big hair, likes to wear a maid costume. Magenta. Come on Riff Raff, we all know about her."

"What- Oh nevermind. Get back to your rooms and you'll be serving detention tomorrow night." He then left, muttering something about hanging kids by their toes in the dungeons.

**#58. I will not shave Mrs. Norris.**

At the sound of a meow, the boys turned to see Mrs. Norris and grinned. Fred pulled out a razor from his pocket (He was always prepared) and swiftly shaved off a section of Mrs. Norris' back while George held her in place.

"Wait til Filch sees that." Fred laughed as the cat ran away.

"Run." George said to his brother upon the realization that Filch would come after them as soon as he saw what they had done to his precious cat.

**#59. I will not kiss Trevor.**

Slightly out of breath, they returned to the common room and broke down into laughter. Tonight had been extremely successful.

A sound caused them to spin around, but it was only Neville's toad. He was always losing that thing.

"Hey George watch this." Fred swooped down and picked up the creature in his hands. "I wonder if it will turn into a prince." He joked. Then, he planted a kiss on the Toad's mouth, causing it to ribbit in fright and jump away.

"Even the toad doesn't want to kiss you brother."

**#60. I will not accept anything edible from a Weasley.**

"This next one is far too easy" George said, he had pulled out the list and was reading with their next task was. "Here Fred, have a candy." He said, and his brother took it and plopped it into his mouth. "There, done. Why don't we call it a night?"


End file.
